It's been 2 months since I last wrote. 3 months since my head went into a spin. 4 months ago, I can't remember that far. I've missed writing, I'm glad I'm back on here although I am worried about the quality of the first post or two, until I'm back on track. Please excuse the raw-ness, it will fade.
I wanted to talk. Just talk, today; nothing in particular like usual. This one isn't "About" anything..it's just something to say. Something to do. There's a lot on my mind right now, and ever since I promised myself I would never publicize my personal problems on this blog, I've stuck to my promise.
I was wondering how we change as we grow older. It's funny how a lot of things don't matter anymore, isn't it? Remember those days when the smallest things mattered, how every strand of your hair had to be a certain way or how it really mattered about how clean your room was? How you really used to care about what people thought about you, or even the little things like how respectful you were toward people and their traditions, habits and cultures. With a little bit time, with a little bit of age; things REALLY change. It's not that all those things aren't valuable anymore, or that we have stopped doing them. It's more like..they just don't matter anymore. As we travel and see more of the world, as we meet with more and more people everyday, as we experience new things and learn new lessons - the "importance" of all those little things phases out. Imagine it like this: you were a cube when you first started, and had rough edges. Didn't really always just "fit". Every experience, every thought, every brush with life was like a piece of sandpaper rubbing against that cube just once. Eventually, it's been rubbed out from a rough-edged raw cube into something of a ball; a sphere.
Being a round, smoothed object grants a lot more leverage than being a rigid cube, don't you think? You can roll faster, easier...you're smoother so you can easier fit through spaces and things, you have less of a chance of one of your corners being caught in something. You have less of a chance of pricking or jabbing people, you have a more fluid way of maneuvering around problems or obstacles..it's so much more of a flow. The most important part is, once you start rolling; it's very hard to get you to stop since gravity and friction play a very weak role in influencing you. Consider it a sense of....freedom if you will.
Sometimes you catch yourself doing something that you promised you would never do, sometimes you find yourself in a state that you swore you will never attain. Sometimes you just wake up and things are different. Age is an amazing elixer; it will give you the strength and confidence to deal with almost anything that comes your way. The more you drink, the faster/smarter/wiser/sharper/stronger you get. Alas, as with all things in excess, there comes a point where you have drunk too much. Something like a gradual overdose, that leaves you in a fatal state. Past that point, you start moving in the opposite direction; something like a gulp from the fountain of youth itself. You find yourself becoming a bit crankier, how you once were as a child. You move slower, more uncertain of your steps; you lose the edge that kept your guard up and start trusting people more. You seem to not be able to find things as easily as you used to, maybe start becoming a bit careless with your things. It's almost as if you are going backward into childhood; mentally. You become more and more dependent on people, and find that as you did as a child, gazing out the window has become more interesting than a lot of other things.
It's a beautiful thing, this thing called age. We all feel to age, we all dream to age with someone special. Age has an uncanny way of being sweeter when enjoyed with company; and more bitter when sipped alone. All we can hope for is that age will leave us with better memories than worse, sweeter tastes than sour - more experiences than most. Because even if age will limit our time , age will always be timeless.