When you feel trapped, it's necessary to be able to let go. Most of the time, it's a cage we build around ourselves, something in our mental psyche that holds us back, brings us down or keeps us tied up.
I like to think of it as a kind of glue; a viscous concoction of our deepest fears, kind of manifested into this intangible but effective grasp..on our conscious. On a subconscious level, our minds are reeling and calculating making sure that everything goes ok or not ok: depending on the situation. But on a conscious level..we tend to put a lot of weight on the fear of something happening, or the effect of pressure from our societies, friends and family. If you think about it, that "tension" or that pressure to conform doesn't really exist, except for in our minds.
Now that you think about it, don't you think that the same goes for fear? Basically, it's a retreat from a speculated outcome based on our notions and exaggerated assumptions of the result of an action. Simply put: we are scared of the unknown. We rationalize and irrationalize, we come to the conclusion that there is something out there in the dark before we even venture a step into it. It's a fall back mechanism, our survival instinct running free, telling us that it's safer to fear something that's unknown rather than face the risk or possibility of having to instantly cope with or improvise a solution we are not ready for.
Run, run free. Fear nothing but fear itself. Push harder, and stretch your limits. Throw yourself into a situation that you know will not kill you or hurt you, but will test your courage and set off all the alarms that your instincts have learned to set off when something new happens. In the end, we have to know that we have become used to our comfort zones and it will not be easy to break out of them.You will never get hurt; you will never be broken, never regret it. Instead, take that step into the dark..you will find that you will either find solid ground to step on, or learn how to fly.
---
ray
Tuesday, 18 January 2011
Thursday, 13 January 2011
About a Letter to God
Dear God,
I know it's been years and years since I wrote you last. I'm sorry about that, as you may already know things have become hectic in these recent years. I won't bother you with the details of what has happened as I'm sure you are already aware.
Things are changing down here though, and I had a few things I had to speak to you about. People have become selfish God..everyone's just out to get something these days. I was listening to the BBC world service today, and they were going on about how even in Haiti until today all the "NGO's" are making profits from the operations where they are supposed to be helping. There have been literally millions of dollars in donations but children there are still dying of dehydration and hunger, they don't even have staple foods. Speaking of staple foods..this last december was the highest priced month for staple foods on the index, EVER. Like since the index was even created. Do you know why this is happening? Because financial intermediaries are driving hundreds of thousands of people into hunger daily, by speculating on the commodities futures markets. So basically people are going hungry because someone is betting that they will make more tomorrow than they will today.
People have become hard to deal with, God. It's really hard to trust people, and even with your 7 billion+ population, it's getting harder to find and keep good friends. Families have become distant, and these days everyone is crying about money. Everyone says they don't have enough, and it's not even clear anymore who has what. All I know is that 2011 model cars are already out in the streets, and they are shinier than last years'. I watched someone spend 6500 dhs a couple weeks ago on a meal...and I was thinking that that could feed literally 650 children in Pakistan where they are still devastated from the floods, in Rio de Janeiro where hundreds of families have been buried by landslides while they slept..in Australia where they are having the worst floods in their history.
God, please help these people. And please help all of us. The world is going into a downward spiral, and I don't see any relief in sight. If we are left to our own devices...well, I guess you already know what the result of that could be. I don't; and it still scares the crap out of me. Please send some relief to the countries at war today, to the countries under natural disaster. Please help the old people, the blind & deaf. Please help the homeless and the single mothers, the orphans and the widows. Please help all the muslims, all the christians, all the hindus and the jews and any other religion I may have missed: they are all from you anyway. Please help all the regular people treat each other better, and please help me treat myself and the people around me better. We need some light, God...it's really dark down here right now.
---
ray
I know it's been years and years since I wrote you last. I'm sorry about that, as you may already know things have become hectic in these recent years. I won't bother you with the details of what has happened as I'm sure you are already aware.
Things are changing down here though, and I had a few things I had to speak to you about. People have become selfish God..everyone's just out to get something these days. I was listening to the BBC world service today, and they were going on about how even in Haiti until today all the "NGO's" are making profits from the operations where they are supposed to be helping. There have been literally millions of dollars in donations but children there are still dying of dehydration and hunger, they don't even have staple foods. Speaking of staple foods..this last december was the highest priced month for staple foods on the index, EVER. Like since the index was even created. Do you know why this is happening? Because financial intermediaries are driving hundreds of thousands of people into hunger daily, by speculating on the commodities futures markets. So basically people are going hungry because someone is betting that they will make more tomorrow than they will today.
People have become hard to deal with, God. It's really hard to trust people, and even with your 7 billion+ population, it's getting harder to find and keep good friends. Families have become distant, and these days everyone is crying about money. Everyone says they don't have enough, and it's not even clear anymore who has what. All I know is that 2011 model cars are already out in the streets, and they are shinier than last years'. I watched someone spend 6500 dhs a couple weeks ago on a meal...and I was thinking that that could feed literally 650 children in Pakistan where they are still devastated from the floods, in Rio de Janeiro where hundreds of families have been buried by landslides while they slept..in Australia where they are having the worst floods in their history.
God, please help these people. And please help all of us. The world is going into a downward spiral, and I don't see any relief in sight. If we are left to our own devices...well, I guess you already know what the result of that could be. I don't; and it still scares the crap out of me. Please send some relief to the countries at war today, to the countries under natural disaster. Please help the old people, the blind & deaf. Please help the homeless and the single mothers, the orphans and the widows. Please help all the muslims, all the christians, all the hindus and the jews and any other religion I may have missed: they are all from you anyway. Please help all the regular people treat each other better, and please help me treat myself and the people around me better. We need some light, God...it's really dark down here right now.
---
ray
Sunday, 9 January 2011
About A Problem
We have all had those days, where we think too much. We end by summing up all of our faults, foolish choices, bad habits and poor judgements to come to the conclusion that we are losing: losing in life's race. The mind is a funny thing, and it can really convince you of anything it wants to be convinced of.
I have been in a bad streak these last few months, contrary to what you might think from my blog posts. I try not to rant and complain about my life at all on this blog, but after all this is the one place where I can think out loud to myself, for myself.
I feel like I am losing my drive, my will to work hard. I am always tired now, not bothered anymore about a lot of things. Feel like a part of me has given up and surrendered to a mysterious force; as if I've lost the race already and am not even able to finish it. It feels like some kind of bittersweet resignation, like swimming against the current was bad for me and I never should have done it. I have started to let culture and routine take over my life. I don't know what is happening. Things are losing their color man, my imagination is running low on battery.
This isn't depression; but it worries me. Its affecting my work ethic and work ability, in a way that a vacation won't help. It's affecting my personal life, I am becoming anti-social now. I am unable to pull myself together to go out anymore, only to quiet places for sheesha sometimes. The scariest part about all this is that I am becoming someone who is diverting themselves away from fun. I don't go to concerts anymore, I don't go out in groups or even with close friends as much, preferring to stay home or be by myself.
In my work I have become more cautious, I find myself scared to take risks now. I am doing business defensively now, and not aggressively anymore: which was my strong point at one time. My father even noticed and commented how I have become risk-averse..defensive in my strategy.
Something is wrong, I don't know what it is or how to fix it. All I know is that it is really worrying me, and I need to fix this. I am losing myself.
---
ray
This post will not be publicized on the internet, just posted to my blog.
I have been in a bad streak these last few months, contrary to what you might think from my blog posts. I try not to rant and complain about my life at all on this blog, but after all this is the one place where I can think out loud to myself, for myself.
I feel like I am losing my drive, my will to work hard. I am always tired now, not bothered anymore about a lot of things. Feel like a part of me has given up and surrendered to a mysterious force; as if I've lost the race already and am not even able to finish it. It feels like some kind of bittersweet resignation, like swimming against the current was bad for me and I never should have done it. I have started to let culture and routine take over my life. I don't know what is happening. Things are losing their color man, my imagination is running low on battery.
This isn't depression; but it worries me. Its affecting my work ethic and work ability, in a way that a vacation won't help. It's affecting my personal life, I am becoming anti-social now. I am unable to pull myself together to go out anymore, only to quiet places for sheesha sometimes. The scariest part about all this is that I am becoming someone who is diverting themselves away from fun. I don't go to concerts anymore, I don't go out in groups or even with close friends as much, preferring to stay home or be by myself.
In my work I have become more cautious, I find myself scared to take risks now. I am doing business defensively now, and not aggressively anymore: which was my strong point at one time. My father even noticed and commented how I have become risk-averse..defensive in my strategy.
Something is wrong, I don't know what it is or how to fix it. All I know is that it is really worrying me, and I need to fix this. I am losing myself.
---
ray
This post will not be publicized on the internet, just posted to my blog.
Friday, 7 January 2011
About Back In The Day
I remember when things were easier. I remember when people were easier; less complicated. With all these people with all their personalities, women and men fighting for rights, politicians fighting the power struggle and just everyday people fighting life it's becoming more and more difficult to just chill.
Maybe it has to do with age? I remember when we used to get together and spend hours thinking about how to burn hours away..so much free time, so much of nothing to do. So much of walking around, driving around, sitting around - anything to while away the day so that we could do the same thing the next day. I don't know if I want those days back but I do know that I miss them. It was just a few close friends, a little bit of money and not a care in the world except where we were eating our next meal or how we would get there.
It's become harder now don't you think? Even for the youth of today..they have become busier in general. I guess the whole world has become busier; the workload has gone up. Expenses have gone up. I remember broke days as a kid having not more than $10 in my pocket, and we used to be able to literally spend the whole day and go through with it..food, sheesha and some money left for "Counter-Strike". What does $10 get you today? Not too much.
Once again this becomes relative, doesn't it? Back in the day (oh, I say that a lot now) it was enough to spend 4 hours in some smoky coffee shop watching movies. In today's go-go world where coffee shops calculate revenue per table per hour, it's not possible to do that. Tea was always free..people were easier. I regret that the youth of today don't know about the youth of yesterday. Weren't we something?
---
ray
Maybe it has to do with age? I remember when we used to get together and spend hours thinking about how to burn hours away..so much free time, so much of nothing to do. So much of walking around, driving around, sitting around - anything to while away the day so that we could do the same thing the next day. I don't know if I want those days back but I do know that I miss them. It was just a few close friends, a little bit of money and not a care in the world except where we were eating our next meal or how we would get there.
It's become harder now don't you think? Even for the youth of today..they have become busier in general. I guess the whole world has become busier; the workload has gone up. Expenses have gone up. I remember broke days as a kid having not more than $10 in my pocket, and we used to be able to literally spend the whole day and go through with it..food, sheesha and some money left for "Counter-Strike". What does $10 get you today? Not too much.
Once again this becomes relative, doesn't it? Back in the day (oh, I say that a lot now) it was enough to spend 4 hours in some smoky coffee shop watching movies. In today's go-go world where coffee shops calculate revenue per table per hour, it's not possible to do that. Tea was always free..people were easier. I regret that the youth of today don't know about the youth of yesterday. Weren't we something?
---
ray
Monday, 3 January 2011
About Karma
Sorry for the lapse, I needed to think.
-------------------
Someone asked me a couple weeks ago when last I did a good deed. I thought about it for a bit, and realized..it had been a while.
In todays stress filled world, where things are moving faster than lightning, it's hard to stop and think about someone else. In fact, many of us would say we don't have time anymore, right? Pause for a second though; try to think of the last time you did a good, selfless, genuinely wholesome good deed for someone. When faced with this question myself, I was slightly embarrassed and a bit disappointed in myself. There was a time where I would always look out for people to help, even on the street. I used to be the type of person who would always lend a helping hand. But recently, especially in the last few months..things have become a bit hectic. Work has become an overload, there are a lot of things to do. There are a lot of pressures to be handled, and a lot of money involved. The stakes are high..and I had let that get to my character.
There are no excuses for a lapse in characteristic goodness. I realized that and over the last 2 weeks, have been doing my best to get back to my original self. I stopped for someone on the highway, and offered some help for their stalled car. I gave some money and food to some less fortunate. I helped out a couple of friends of mine with some problems they were facing, and I even worked very hard at a friends' sisters wedding, helping to seat everyone and see to it that they had no problems. It felt good. It felt, great. There's something you get from helping people out, and it's not something material. It's not even the recognition and praise from the person you helped. It's more about a kind of moral fibre. You feel good about yourself, you feel more confident..you feel like a better person. You feel important, not in the sense that they needed you, but in the sense that you were needed. You were a positive force, you were the unexpected helping hand. You came through in a situation where otherwise there could have been no hope..it's a lifting experience. But there's one other very important thing that you amass in all this, something else that you get to collect: karma.
Karma; a very powerful force. It transcends race, religion, color, background, age, sex or orientation. A force that will either come back and hit you hard, or come back and work magic in your favor in the most mysterious ways. Don't you ever forget karma, because it will never forget you. I always say that karma is something you gather, something you "line up". Do good things, collect good karma. Do bad things, and collect bad karma. There is no evening out in this medium, no tit for tat or eye for an eye. Karma is collected: queued. Every good bit and every bad, every time you think twice. The good and bad karma are lined up, waiting to be dished out at random times and random sequences..you could have a good streak and then have a bad one for months.
So how do we deal with this? We amass good karma. If there is more good then bad, then logically your life will be more positive than negative and vice versa. The good thing is that there's no "size" to each shred of karma: you gain the same amount for a small good or a large one. So start doing little goods, everyday. Always keep your eye out for someone you can help, a grocery bag you can carry, a pedestrian you can give the right of way to. It all starts with the thought of a more positive life. Stay positive where ever you go and always look over your shoulder for the bad karma because it's coming if you deserve it. And even if it hits you hard, don't forget that there is always good coming your way.
---
ray
-------------------
Someone asked me a couple weeks ago when last I did a good deed. I thought about it for a bit, and realized..it had been a while.
In todays stress filled world, where things are moving faster than lightning, it's hard to stop and think about someone else. In fact, many of us would say we don't have time anymore, right? Pause for a second though; try to think of the last time you did a good, selfless, genuinely wholesome good deed for someone. When faced with this question myself, I was slightly embarrassed and a bit disappointed in myself. There was a time where I would always look out for people to help, even on the street. I used to be the type of person who would always lend a helping hand. But recently, especially in the last few months..things have become a bit hectic. Work has become an overload, there are a lot of things to do. There are a lot of pressures to be handled, and a lot of money involved. The stakes are high..and I had let that get to my character.
There are no excuses for a lapse in characteristic goodness. I realized that and over the last 2 weeks, have been doing my best to get back to my original self. I stopped for someone on the highway, and offered some help for their stalled car. I gave some money and food to some less fortunate. I helped out a couple of friends of mine with some problems they were facing, and I even worked very hard at a friends' sisters wedding, helping to seat everyone and see to it that they had no problems. It felt good. It felt, great. There's something you get from helping people out, and it's not something material. It's not even the recognition and praise from the person you helped. It's more about a kind of moral fibre. You feel good about yourself, you feel more confident..you feel like a better person. You feel important, not in the sense that they needed you, but in the sense that you were needed. You were a positive force, you were the unexpected helping hand. You came through in a situation where otherwise there could have been no hope..it's a lifting experience. But there's one other very important thing that you amass in all this, something else that you get to collect: karma.
Karma; a very powerful force. It transcends race, religion, color, background, age, sex or orientation. A force that will either come back and hit you hard, or come back and work magic in your favor in the most mysterious ways. Don't you ever forget karma, because it will never forget you. I always say that karma is something you gather, something you "line up". Do good things, collect good karma. Do bad things, and collect bad karma. There is no evening out in this medium, no tit for tat or eye for an eye. Karma is collected: queued. Every good bit and every bad, every time you think twice. The good and bad karma are lined up, waiting to be dished out at random times and random sequences..you could have a good streak and then have a bad one for months.
So how do we deal with this? We amass good karma. If there is more good then bad, then logically your life will be more positive than negative and vice versa. The good thing is that there's no "size" to each shred of karma: you gain the same amount for a small good or a large one. So start doing little goods, everyday. Always keep your eye out for someone you can help, a grocery bag you can carry, a pedestrian you can give the right of way to. It all starts with the thought of a more positive life. Stay positive where ever you go and always look over your shoulder for the bad karma because it's coming if you deserve it. And even if it hits you hard, don't forget that there is always good coming your way.
---
ray
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