About Confidence

Fly. Sometimes, we get this feeling of power. Raw power. When you're up there, nothing can bring you down, nothing can stop you. Say anything, do anything, and it will be OK. Everyone looking at you, with your confidence radiating like an aura around you; power. Move through the crowd, a path opening up for you as you walk, as if it was made just for you. As if it was planned before you came, and they knew when you walked in, that you were somebody. Dressed just right, and it shows - people staring at you, well dressed so sharp, so crisp. It's that feeling of energy, pure energy. Command respect when you talk, it feels like they are hanging on to every word you say, almost as if they were your audience, and you were on stage. Charisma dripping off you, attraction from everyone around you. Animal magnetism and natural flow, you speak as if you were born for it. What a feeling, this feeling. Your view not at everybody around you, but above them; right through them. Focus on your goal, you seem to know exactly where you are going, and people follow, you are their leader, and they are your people, your crowd, your followers. Everything going your way, as if it was meant to be. Bursts of light around you, and you can almost see them, almost touch them. Confidence: a blinding power, a lifting experience - the greatest force.
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ray

About Women

This one goes out to all the women, who were always there for us, always there to help us whenever we needed it, to all the women who lifted our spirits when they were down. It's cute, how a woman will always want to get involved in our problems, and try to remind us that they are there for us. "Talk to me, tell me what's wrong..I want to help!". So direct, so to the point, so sweet. And even though we almost never tell them, it always makes us happy that she is there. All the women who will think hard and try to plan a surprise for us, but end up being more excited than we are when we find out what it is..I don't think they'll ever understand that the fact that they get that huge smile on their face is more worth it than the surprise itself.

Women are funny, and impossibly hard to figure out. Sometimes, "nothing" means everything, and "maybe" could mean yes or no, neither yes nor no, or yes AND no..and no matter how much they stress that they don't want anything for their birthdays, don't you dare forget to get her a gift - because if you do, it'll be a whole week of "maybe", "nothing" and "I'm fine". Always remember to think hard when you hear that she's fine, because you, my friend, are in the danger zone. And even if she tells you that everything's OK, in actuality, the situation is far far far away from OK. Oh, and I'm sure all you guys know that the word "fat" does not exist in your dictionary, being one of the most dangerous words ever invented. This is one of those words that can make or break your evening...and is often sprung at you at the most sensitive of times: "Do you think these jeans make me look fat? Tell me the truth!". Show me one man who has ever told the truth when put in that situation, and I will show you a brave, stupid or dead man. There is a certain level of skill required when maneuvering through that minefield of a question, and I doubt that few men have lived without losing an arm or leg at least once in their lives.Concerning tricky questions, women have this uncanny ability to spring all sorts of double-edged questions: "is my hair better like this or the way it was before?". Run, Run for your life my friend because this is one of those questions where you're betting on a blind horse..there are never right answers to those kind of questions, so put on your gloves and get ready for a knockout round. I have no idea why they do it, because I'm almost SURE they know that most men aren't really that good at lying, especially to women. I've come to a conclusion that it probably makes them happy that we make an effort to lie...there could be no possible reason!?

So lie men, lie. Lie about all the little things that you can, because even though she will always tell you that she always wants the absolute truth from you, lie, lie and lie when she cooks something you can't swallow and tell her it's the best damn lasagna you've ever had, the best damn cake you've ever tasted this side of the world..ESPECIALLY lie when she asks you how you like how all your furniture is re-arranged when you get home, "don't you think it looks so much more spacious?"..."of COURSE darling, it looks great!". Because no matter how you look at it, she's done it for you. She spent an hour on YouTube learning how to make that Butter Chicken you seem to love so much when you go out to eat, and another 2 hours in the kitchen making it hoping it turns out OK. If it turns out well, let her know. If it doesn't, don't ever break her heart. Eat all of it, and ask for seconds. Most women are god's gift to us, because one who loves you will always go out of her way to do things for you, all the little things that might not matter to you, but matter to her in a big way. Try to notice that she's cleaned up a little bit, or left a chocolate bar out for you even though she knows your chubby..try to notice that she's stocked the fridge full of your favorite food, and done some of the dishes, even though you would never touch a dish in your life, even at your mother's house. She doesn't have to do that for you, but she will because she likes you. Imagine..just because she LIKES you! She'll help you organize, help you in your work, help you in your life, your troubles, your journeys, your everything: as long as you treat her right.

Because women, can be so cute. How many of you can keep a straight face when you get a call on the phone from a nervous anxious girl, telling you that her day's not going so well and she's feeling down? Most times we get this huge grin on our faces, because it's adorable, and it's easy because they trust us to cheer them up. Remember guys, that you can compliment a girl that you don't know, and she might not be affected by it at all. But compliment your own girl, and she'll blush. Don't get it twisted, women are strong characters. Anyone who's ever had a sister growing up, would have seen a little bit of how vicious and scarring their world can be sometimes, when concerning other women. Men fight, and get it over with; women PLAN. They can keep up the jealousy, the hate, and fight their internal wars for years, never thinking anything of it. The things that women are capable of, can be shocking to most men...but then again most men (except the unfortunate ones) will never see that world. Even then, women will let their guard down with us, and let us know that they're in need of a smile or a hug or when they need to give a few tears away. Sometimes I thank god that he has at least given us the ability to sweet talk women, or at least say something really stupid and have them laughing in under two minutes...it's probably the only strength most of us have in that department!

Don't you see? There's a reason men are naturally attracted to women..just look at their physical design. Beautiful creatures, some even capable of stopping hundreds of men in their tracks, able to take you to places where your senses could never even imagine possible. Their ability to fit in your arms just right, in almost any situation. Their ability to almost always outdress you, outshine you, and the ability to pull it off so smoothly, as if it's no big deal. They will spend 3 times as much as men in front of a mirror, just so they could look slamming...and so that you can have something to show off when you go out. Don't ever forget, that a woman in love with you will dress her best and look her sexiest, for YOU. Don't ever get caught up in which other man is looking at her, and why, because her eyes are on you. Make sure you always wear cologne, look sharp, and stay clean...because they will always make sure they do the same for you, and it's the least we can do. They know that most of us are (no offense) hairy, smelly, dirty, careless, impulsive, clumsy and forgetful...it's a blessing that they choose these things to like about us, at least MOST of the time (until they're pissed, and then it's hell).

So men, appreciate your women, and don't ever forget to tell them that they are beautiful everyday. They are an important part of our lives, and even though you can't live with 'em, you definitely can't live without 'em. And even though some of the time they'll fake it, most of the time they'll love you till the sun comes up.
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ray

About Pictures In Your Mind

I always wished I could draw. For those of you reading this, that can - I am forever envious of your talent. I'm talking about the kind of people that can put pencil to paper, so non-chalantly conjure up an image to remember and think nothing of it. I have  a friend who was sitting with me once, and through our conversation she was just scribbling away on a piece of scrap paper..10 minutes later when we got up to go, I glanced at the paper and saw that she had created something so beautiful: a drawing of a girl sitting on a table, tears in her eyes, freckles on her face with her long wispy flowing hair falling around her shoulders, looking towards me as if looking for an answer to a question I could not answer. I watched as that paper then made it's way to the trash can, and it was something that had no meaning to the artist of; but almost meant everything in the world to me.

See, I always wished I could draw. Imagine how bad, if that's already the second time I've told you this. It's an ability that any person would be glad to have, and everyone would be elated to be able to develop. If only that was given to me, the things that I would draw, the dreams that I could explain...the imagination that I could capture would be outstandingly extra-ordinary...something to make the world see where creative talent really lies. But: there's a but. Having discovered my inability to even functionally manage drawing a straight stick-figure, I decided that there was another way to draw that didn't require images..and that way was through words. I was at such a despair, I had felt such a tremendous feeling of guilt-filled sorrow that I decided that there was no way I could let go of something that I wanted so badly. So I began to write.

There is always more than one way to do something, and I thought to myself "If you can not draw and paint a picture in the beholder's view, you must learn to create that picture in the beholder's mind." And I set to it. I have tried to teach myself to use words in such a way, I thought that there had to be a way where I could describe the feeling you get when it's so cold that you're shivering, and your jacket is zipped all the way up, your gloves trying hard to keep the feeling in your bones and your scarf is so tight round your neck , your hat pulled way low so your ear-tips don't feel the chill, how you have your hands folded under your arms because the cold is literally biting into your skin, making you feel like there are pins and needles in the wind when it blows at you in the middle of a snow-storm. My thirst for being able to draw fueled my desire to become better at creating that picture in your mind.

The other day, I was at a construction site, and you should see what I see...when it's blistering hot outside, and you can feel the heat vapors rising off the road, sweltering humidity with the dry heat scorching the pavement..they're like jungles of iron and steel, right in the belly of the building..maneuvering through it's guts and bones, as it bellows and roars all around me, so much activity inside and out...it's a living breathing thing, and we are all swimming around inside of it. You never come out clean, or without some scratches or bumps, it's the risk of being swallowed by so great a monster...iron, steel, wood, glass, aluminum and noise...so much noise. Sweat, heat, yelling and screaming, sparks flying left, right and center...cranes screeching, and little construction vehicles moving around, among thousands of people in one site, as you try to work your way through the often deadly maze to the other side...helmet causing sweat to roll down your forehead into your eyes, sweltering heat and you are struggling to see...yelling at the top of your lungs as you try to communicate...being pushed and shoved around by the hundreds of people all moving at the same time, dust and sand in the air and you are trying hard to breathe...watch your head above because you might hit it on that iron bar, watch your step so you dont trip and fall 35 floors...I remember thinking to myself "If only I could remember this, and be able to show people.". I realized that the only way to be able to do so was to be able to write about it, since there are no better ways than to show someone a picture of it, unless if it was in their own imagination.

Imagination: "the act or power of forming a mental image of something not present to the senses or never before wholly perceived in reality." The imagination is a powerful machine, and another such advanced and complicated mechanism does not exists. It's an ability that we are innately born with, something that never leaves us, and something that never stops turning and churning it's gears. It struggles so hard to create an image of anything we see, read or hear about, further creating entire scripts, stories, fairytales and futures...based on something so simple as one word or one sound. The imagery it creates, we can process faster than the speed of light, since everything is transferred through electrical synapses, right? Sometimes I can imagine the brain with small blue sparks zipping around it, and I can almost see a tiny dark thundercloud above it, as we brainstorm at our hardest...just on the verge of the thundershower so badly needed to cool our over-heated brain. 

I have come to learn that the difference between a drawing and a story is that the drawing can capture a hundred thousand words; but just a thousand words can create a whole movie in our minds. Words are just words, useless and un-appealing when used in most scenarios and in most situations. However, once that scarf becomes a red scarf with black dots, and a white lace edging around it, to be worn with a black evening dress, arms length gloves, and click-click high-heels, it becomes so much more than a scarf. When that blazer becomes the sharp dark blue suede blazer with a certain shine to  it, especially after being brushed and gleaming in the sun for all to see, keeping you  a bit warm in the autumn chilled weather and standing out against your dark brown corduroy pants...there's just so much more involved. It's the magic of the mind that is just waiting for that little extra bit, so that it can quickly draw up that picture for you. For those few of you who follow this journal, you might be able to notice that I am practicing this on  you...as if there is a theatre, and you are the audience, and I am writing the script to the  movie that plays in your head. 

And for those of you that want to learn how, or at least get a start on it..it's not as hard as you think. You don't need a tough vocabulary or and extensive literary standing. You just have to be able to attach some emotion and feeling to your words, which comes from your charisma. Imagine a picture in your head, and see how you could describe it. Feel it, and try to find the right words, eventually something in your head will click and unlock, and when you start to write it, your words will start painting a watercolor painting in your mind, and the minds of your audience. Every word is like a stroke of a paintbrush, and every color is another color to your painting, every language a different brush and every thought a new painting. The potential is unlimited; this is a stage my friends, and we will be YOUR audience. Try it..and for those of you who can draw, you are blessed - as your pictures can say a thousand words, but your paintings and drawings and sketches; they are all still. My pictures and my paintings and my drawings in the mind of the reader, run like the wind.

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ray

About Technology

 I wouldn't ask of a place that I would love more, than being in my room surrounded with technology. Music always in surround sound, my kingdom in my sight. That groove in my bed that fits me perfectly, and temperature set to cold, sitting in my shorts with the light just right. Everything connected, to everything. Anyone that's ever chilled with me knows, that I have this thing with technology. It's a sort of relationship that I would never break, one that always gives back more than she takes. The more you love her, the farther she will go for you...the harder she will work for you. Just take care of her, and she will open the doors of the world to your disposal. Technology will never leave you, and protect you whenever you need her to.

She's your extension, an extension of your capabilities and your interests. She will always help you work harder, think smarter, think harder and work smarter...she will give you answers when you are sick and something to do when you are bored. I have learned so much from her, and there's no end to what else she could teach me. She gives me the world, organizes my life; allows me to fall back to make my lifestyle easy. She inspires my creativity, and encourages it..tells me that what I am doing is right, and has always been my guiding light. Sometimes, I lose motivation and don't work as hard as I should...so she goes for me, gets my work done, communicates with the whole world in my presence, and she has always had this knack of reaching places I never could...to speak to people I would have never even imagined to be alive.

I travel often, and she has never allowed me to travel alone. She's always ready to fly, ready to hop onto a bus with me, out to sea by boat, or underground into a cave or the deep basement of a construction site...never scared, never hesitant and never doubtful that I will not bring her back to the surface. She is a force, so strong at times that she leads the way, shining a light on my path so that I may see better...she always has something to say when I am quiet, always has a way to make me laugh when I am down. She always has something sweet to whisper into my ears, in a form of communication we both have a passion for; music...and has never missed an opportunity to help better my creative side.

The things I would do for her I doubt I would ever even bother to do for anyone else, knowing that she is always the best investment of my time, money and energy..because I know I would always profit from her presence in my life. Knowledge is something that she has mountains of, and almost everyone she knows learns something new from her everyday. My friends always tell me that I am so lucky, and I know it. She has become my closest companion, never leaving my side from when she wakes me up for life in the morning and goes to bed with me at the end of a late night, reminding me that I have to be up early tomorrow for an important meeting..and she will be there with me looking so sexy; people never seem to be able to take their eyes off her. She always tells me that she is mine though, and I know she always will be. She knows that I am hers for life, and wouldn't be able to ever let her go.

I can get angry sometimes, for something minor. I don't get angry too often, but some things really frustrate me. Whenever I want to take my mind off, I look to her to answer my questions, vent my frustrations and ease my worries...she always manages to come up  with something new to interest me, another way to keep me up. And I am there for her, whenever she is down. Always buy her new things, things that make her feel stronger, work faster, think harder: sound better, look better, feel better. I always come up with new things for her, to make her more free and more independent. I know that she likes her space, and I have shared all of mine with her. It's all worth it..to see the way she looks when she'll all dressed up with her smooth curves on her well defined body, looks like she's almost glowing. She's quiet, when ever we feel like we need to be, so loud when I am, and she says things to me when we are alone that she would never say to anyone else, because I know what to say to her when she's sitting somewhere alone without me and feels kinda lonely. She's nice when I'm nice, and she's naughty when I'm naughty...and night after night we can't get our hands off each other till the early hours of the morning, always keeping me up with something new she wants to do.

She makes me wonder, she does. There's a feeling I get, when I think about what's next..she is as unpredictable as I am, and we always manage to surprise each other with new developments and capabilities. We do have our problems sometimes: sometimes she just gets stubborn and doesn't want to do anything..and I really get mad. It's a shame to say that it has become physical sometimes in the past, and let me tell you she hit back as hard as I did. But it's brought us closer together, and now that we are a bit more older, a bit more mature...we have promised each other that it will never happen again, and it's been that way for years. Now, whenever we have a little misunderstanding, we just take a few hours away from each other to sit and cool down, to just restart our thought processes. A short while later, we are in each other's arms, all over each other like teenagers, and it's almost heaven. I've done some pretty crazy things for her in the past, sometimes spent so much on her that I've been broke myself. But whenever I'd be broke she would make sure that I didn't need money, always helping me discover new ways to spend free time.

I guess you could call her perfect, but she would say she's not perfect. I know her too well, better than most..and I could agree. I feel there is always something that she could improve about herself, always a little something extra she could do to to be better. But I guess I can learn something about myself through that; that I could always do something extra to improve myself too, and so we have learned to grow and change together. She's pretty high maintenance sometimes...I'm always having to read and learn new ways to expand our horizons together, and it helps me learn patience, logic, knowledge and efficiency in my ways and helps me give the same back to her. We were made for each other, and I will love her all my life, knowing that she will live much, much longer than I will, but she will always keep me in her memory, and share me and my life with the world for generations to come. There is nothing more I could ask from her, and I have already given her everything that she could ask from me.

Thank you for everything that you are to me, my dear sweet technology. I am forever grateful, and that will never change.
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ray

About Why

Why? This is something that we need to discuss. Why.the word can be so bitter-sweet. We ask why when we are lost, why when we are found..why when we are up and why when we are down, why when we want what we cannot have, and why when we find out why. Why? So many reasons that this word can mean and so many reasons it can be used. A question directed at ourselves, directed at everything we aren't. A question aimed at the skies, and everything above us; aimed at the clouds in the sky...a question can hold so much. We feel we need to know something we don't; reasons for the situations we face and to the situations we face. So sad when we ask a question like this, to someone that can not answer, right? Sometimes we ask on behalf of other people; millions of people around the world in situations that we would never hope to be in. I wonder if they ask why? Earthquakes, floods, tsunamis and tropical thunders, and the homeless. We ask for them, do they ask for themselves? As dreaded to me as "what if"...why something happened or did not happen or happened because something else didn't happen or did; these are some really rough questions guys..they can take many of your nights from you. Everybody you know, at least once a week loses a night over why. Why? "Because." I guess; why else?
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ray

About a Gift

Dear Blog,

I owe you one. Because you have done a lot for me.

You have allowed me to publish my thoughts, thoughts I never imagined would be liked. You allowed to me to put my ideas, theories, rants and raves, and my conscience out to the world. And I love the feedback, although not much it still makes me feel like there are still a few real people out there who understand what I understand, and think what I think. I used to carry a book with me, and write in that. But it seems that the thoughts flow just as freely here, and it's something I could get used to. A lot of people ask me if I mind that my thoughts are public; I tell them that it doesn't matter anymore about what negative thoughts people think. There will always be people who will hate me, and always be people who would be negative about my actions, thoughts and words. You have allowed me to realise my talent, and even though I was always slightly aware of it, it has never been so public, so naked and bare for the world to read.

You have helped me through a first for me: writing thoughts. In the past, I have written a lot of poetry, and I was always damn good at it. That was never something that I have doubted about myself..and something I was never ashamed of before. This time, it's different. This time there are thoughts on topics, and it's a matter of personal exposure. I always believed that a part of you comes out through your writing, and this is why people write for many reasons. Every time you create literature, infuse a thought or record a memory, a part of you leaves with it. Not a part that is unrecoverable, instead a part that is regenerative, a part linked to your personality and character. It's a part that people can almost touch, almost feel..a part that they can create you out of, without ever having to meet you. Everyone has been given the gift of the ability to write, or at least imagine, dream. And it's out of these dreams that we formulate thoughts, formulate ideas, and we write out our personalities and characters..scribbles, just scribbles, just scribbles i swear...

But the one thing that you gave me, the best thing that you have done for me...something that will always stay with me no matter what. You have found someone for me, someone I knew, but never knew...You have showed me a glimmer of hope, that there is someone out there who gets it. Someone who feels what I feel, and thinks what I think. Someone who dreams what I dream, and laughs when I laugh. Someone who would cry if I cried, because they understand. Someone who was always standing across from me on the platform, and when the smoke cleared, was still standing there looking across at me. And as always, you kept with the fashion of showing me someone I will never have, someone that was always in my reach as a child...someone who slipped through my fingers before I could do anything about. You gave me something I will always remember, because it gives me hope. And even though you will never completely understand the depth of what you have done, this is my letter of thanks. You've given me some fuel for my fire, and hopefully it will be flowing for a very long time. I am your patient; you are my therapy.

And even though this post is shorter than most of my other ones, it's taken me my whole life to write.
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ray

About How to Live Like a King

You would think that a relatively decent character with mostly good intentions would receive the kind of treatment they deserve. Unfortunately we live in a world where this is rarely the case. Today we need to be assholes to people to get what we want. We have to be a problem so people can give us a solution. It's so demoralizing..what are we going to do about it though? Nothing. It's the same reason why some women are bitches, because it usually gets them what they want. It's a shame that today's people have their mind wired in such a way. Who ever notices the nice guy? No one. Pick up a gun and fire some shots though..and you get whatever you ask for. So, note to self. Fuck people over. Take advantage of people's shortcomings by pointing them out in public, so that no one looks at yours. Tell women mean things about them, treat them like shit and don't worry..most of them will fall in love with you.

Always imagine yourself to be better than everyone, eventually people will start believing it. Make sure you never apologize to anyone especially if you are wrong; it will severly damage your pride. Always put yourself first, dont forget to remember that no one else matters but you. Don't call people, wait for them to call you, you're too cool to call anyone under your standard anyways. Make sure you cheat on girls..broken hearts are something you collect to show off to your friends. Elders? Who cares for em? You will never need their advice..they're too old to matter. Remember, you don't hold doors for anyone, because everyone holds doors open for you. In fact, because you always look down on people, everyone will always be trying to get your approval. Try to find some people to humiliate, it will always make you feel good about yourself.

Keep up all the above mentioned habits, and you'll be king. Watch everyone leave you eventually, but it doesn't matter because you are cool...never get help when you really need it, but that doesn't matter because you don't need help right? Keep your ego as high up as you can, you don't need to work a job with colleagues..flipping burgers at mcdonalds is fine. And who really cares if your girlfriends will never really be happy with you? They're worthless peices of shit who are good for nothing. And when your wife leaves you, and your kids end up all messed up..that doesn't matter either because at the end of it all...you've still got your ego right? You've still got your pride..and you're still better than everyone else. And since you've taken advantage of everyone around you, you will never have to do anyone any favors because no one will ever ask you.

Keep it up. You're doing good.
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ray

About Helplessness

why are some people given chances that other people will never have? at least when it happens, why can't it happen somewhere far away from the unfortunate person who has to witness it? can we be so helpless?

there are chances that i have seen taken away from me and given to another, to one that doesn't deserve it and will never appreciate what they've got. not to say that the person in question would do this intentionally, but he will just never bother to care, ask about it, or even so much as give it a second thought...while you can do nothing more than sit there and watch. because you watch, and you see, and you really see that it's because he just doesn't know the value of what he's got. i can't describe the feeling; it's something that your logic won't process because the cause of the feeling's not logical. it's not something your conscience will let you feel because it wasn't your fault. it's not something your soul will feel because it wasn't based on a judgement of your character. it was purely co-incidence and state of natural random selection that saw the other person receiving the greatest gift that could be given to you. i guess it's just something your heart can feel, and it truly feels that loss. but how can you lose something that never belonged to you, or despair over the lack of something you never had?

i guess it's becasue of what we build in our head. some of us get too carried away with a thought, because we are dreamers. we build and we build, we create and re-create. we dream and dream of future thoughts of past memories, all of which we have created in the confines of our dangerous minds...and it becomes hard to find that fuzzy line in the sand; that line that divides reality from fantasy and there you are, lost in the whirlwind again. it's so funny how sometimes such a little thing like the color of her eyes can take days and days away from you..sometimes there is nothing that can be done to change the situation, and we the dreaming, always have to almost create an alternate universe with a parallel galaxy with a similar solar system with a resembling planet, with a mirror image situation, with this new, fundamentally sound but intuitively impossible solution called reality. and believe you me, it hurts like a brick to the head. reality has reared it's ugly head like the dull shadow of a blunt edged weapon, it effortlessly cripples thousand of people on an everyday basis all around the world.

we are left with the conclusion, as someone snaps their fingers and we are jolted back to where we sit; it seems that our lives will be forever filled with passed opportunities and wistful desires that can never be touched, and we have to feel the sting of each one. because there will always be some things that we can never change, no matter how hard we wish..it just makes me sad that some of those dreams were some of the best experiences of my life.
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ray

About Discovering Ourselves

I always wanted a space on the internet, a space of my own. I guess I always had access to one but as I look back, it seems there was something else I was struggling with the whole time; myself. I guess growing up fighting your culture, fighting your religion, fighting your traditions and your beliefs, fighting your values and to an extent even fighting your natural thought process can really take a toll. All the time, we have the question of what the difference is between the intellect and the subconscious, and which plays the role we can blame. And for anyone who's read a little bit of Freud, we have 3 different frames of mind all running active processes and each of these processes have taken an oath of vengeance against the other two..absolute chaos. In between all this, most of us forget to remember ourselves.

Sometimes I think, "If only someone had told me, that one day I would think like this" or "If I only knew that this is what I would believe", but now I realize that it wouldn't have been possible. It would have been incomprehensible, since the knowledge alone can't be a deadly weapon; it's the practical experience of how to use it that makes it fatal. If you follow the thought you can come to the realisation that this experience on how to use it wouldn't have come to you if you hadn't had lived your life EXACTLY as you have, and you would have never got to this point in your life, this minute, this second, even the chain of events that brought you in front of this screen reading these words right now. I can make sense of that, and I can accept that there is nothing that I can change, nothing else that i could have done that would have brought me here, so I feel the feeling you feel when you're tired and just flop on the couch or just fall onto your bed...resignation; what a bittersweet decision.

Rewind, backtrack...brings us back to the point where we reached a conclusion together that we forget to remember ourselves. I feel this is more common when we are younger, and hence the apalling habits of young and adolescent teenagers of today, who try so hard to wear what everyone else is wearing, do what everyone "cool" is doing. They can't possibly be blamed, because at this point they still don't know themselves, and still don't love who they are going to be: wether they like it or not. They still haven't learned how to use the weapons they've been provided, they need to be a little older. I just wish it was a little easier for me, and for a lot of other people. Maybe there is a way we can guide them, maybe I'm talking shit becasue I think I'm done going through that growth process, maybe I'll look back on this post in a few years and laugh. All I know is that when I started thinking conciously many years ago, I didn't know what to expect of myself. Now I am a bit more sure-footed, a bit faster, a bit smarter, a bit more cautious about my surroundings...I have come to an age where I am learning myself and I like what I see.

So pat on the back, this post is for you Kachalia...you've come a long way from home. I know many of you understand what I mean, and I have a feeling that this thought is mutual across the age spectrum. We learn something new everyday, and today I learned that whenever I feel like there's no one who understands me or no one who knows what I know or has ever felt like I have at my worst; I try to remember that I am human, and I am not alone.
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ray

About People we Miss

Sometimes you wake up in the morning and miss people. But it's not such a simple process anymore, is it?

Used to be you miss someone or someone just pops up in your thought process as you sit and reminisce over a cigarette or a cup of coffee, and you leave it at that. I guess it's not so simple anymore, and in today's time we take it to the next step after that; wondering if they missed you too. It's hard to tell these days, with superficial relationships and materialistic motives to awkward and seemingly obvious introductions to and among one another. You sometimes get the feeling that maybe it didn't matter, maybe they didn't matter, or maybe you didn't.

Sometimes I think about people, great people, beautiful people, funny people, easy people, hurtful people: turns out every single one of them has left a lasting impression on my character. We forget that we need each other at the end of the day, no matter how independent we believe we are. That brings me to the people I really miss sometimes,  and makes me wonder if they ever think about me, have I left a similarly lasting impression on them and their lives? One can do a couple of different things in this situation. You can sit and wonder if they miss you, or if they think about you at all, and wonder and wonder and finally get frustrated; ending up with the resolve that "Who cares, it doesn't mater...fuck 'em if they don't..".

Or you can think about it like this: if that person, whoever he/she might be, was worth remembering and was close enough to you to pop up in your mind over a coffee...then that person has done a lot for you, and they are worth the memory drift. Don't ever forget that even if that person never calls you back or doesn't ever get in touch again, that person was still important enough to you at one point in your life that you kept him/her buried deep enough all this time. Try to remember the joy and happiness that person had brought you, and don't ever forget that somewhere deep down inside, no matter what the relationship status was, there was some affection there.

Keep that in mind, and the next time you remember that chiquita banana that always kept you on your feet, that pretty girl with the big beautiful eyes and the cute smile and slamming figure...that girl you used to date and thought "yea...she's the one..I can FEEL it!"(lol)..try hard to remember that once upon a time she was all yours, and you were all hers, and at that time there was no one else on her mind. You've had your fair share; don't be greedy. Just know that somewhere, sometime, somehow, one day that person will sit down over a cup of coffee or a tall glass of cold iced tea and think to you: "I wonder where you are, I miss you. Do you miss me?"
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ray

About House Music

Music. The essence of the soul, beautiful music. You have your favorite, I have mine. House; one of the greatest creative discoveries, of our time. Baseline, pattern and maybe even a little bit of quantum physics, who knows. Imagine a medium of energy powerful enough to influence millions. Not to say rock/hip hop/etc aren't major. They are, but there's just something about house. Electro, hard, latin, deep, smooth, silky, sexy house: there's a kind for everyone. Imagine the sheer influence of the house movement strong enough to gather over a hundred thousand people from all corners of the world in one venue, under one roof, for one purpose; dance. 2/3/4/5/6/7 and /8/ hour sets...non-stop. All there for one reason, is to sweat-drip heat flash eclectic dance all night with one music in mind, with one artist: one track and you have a hundred thousand people screaming at the top of their lungs. The roar of the crowd so resilient that it becomes like they are one mass of throbbing beating beat. Music so powerful that it grips you and makes you jump, makes you buzz, makes you become absolutely engulfed in it's control.  I wish you could feel what I feel, for house musiK
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ray

About Friday

Friday, what a lovely Friday.

Once a week, we get a time to ourselves. In my case it's usually a Friday, even though it's already stuffed with activities long before I even wake up. Most Fridays are the usual scene: wake up around 11:30am, usually closer to 12. Jump out of bed and try as hard as you can to shower as quick as you can, and get dressed under stress trying to make it in time to catch Jumma (Friday) prayer at the english mosque*. After that, waste-case house-potato couch-potato homeless bum style all day in the house, go out at night for a bit and crash.

Yesterday, however, was a very different Friday. My natural built-in state of the art alarm clock woke me up at around 6:30 am. As I sat up in bed, and tried to make sense of why my watch shows a very fuzzy blurry 6:30. I convinced myself that I'm either dreaming or still in the stage right after I wake up when I have no idea what's going on for the first 15 minutes, that I was probably tripping. As I heaved myself out of bed, I glanced at my wall clock confirming that it actually WAS that early, which also confirmed my doubts about my sanity. "OK, so you're up" I muttered to myself, "now what?". I hopped into the shower, and I took my time. Got out, got dressed, hopped on  my mac-book. I was lucky in that it was still the night before in Canada, and got onto a video chat with my brother, who's out there for civil engineering. He told me about how he went to a "wear-anything-but-clothes" party; he attended said party in tin-foil. ALUMINIUM FOIL. Insanity must run in the family. After he went to bed, I chilled with my buddy AT on video again for about another hour or so, till he had to go to bed. Now what?

Called my friend FA who was on his way back from dropping a mutual friend off at the airport. Airports are always an exciting place for me, you see the world's sexiest women, always off to another island or another destination to do God knows what. I sometimes wonder how they live, how so many different people live, and airports are a great example of what kinds of people travel. I guess all kinds of people travel, but some kinds travel a lot more than another kind; who travel a lot less, you can sense a trend. I let my friend know that I'm expecting him at "Mugg & Bean", the coffee shop at the "Abu Dhabi Mall" for breakfast. Waited a bit, went to meet him. We're very old friends, so we have become the type that sit and talk about life, and sit and talk shit about all these new teenage trends that we don't understand, so on and so forth. Then we went to pray, and came back to lunch at home with the family.

Later that evening, after waking up from a great nap, I was sitting at home alone, so some friends came over to chill before their Tiesto concert that was taking place later that night. We received news of a cancellation, and they were quite disappointed. Cue DJ Ray, spin-mixing it live for you, one time only, straight from the home base! They had a BLAST. Good music, "meal for 4" from Pizza Hut, and a good movie...by the end of the night they were having just as much fun as they would have had with Tiesto....VICTORY is mine!

And even though I've left out a lot of the fine details, it was a refreshing jolt to an otherwise very boring Friday.

* - We attend Friday prayer at the English Khutba mosque in Khalidiya, great Emaam and a very mixed crowd. Ask for details.
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ray

From Dubai to Abu Dhabi

So I just got home, it's 12:06 am. I was in Dubai working on the new restaurant, Rhythm & Bites (R&B) for short. I left abu dhabi at around 4pm, and was out there all day, sweating on the site becasue it's so hot, trying to work out all the fine details. Argued with the kitchen contractor quite a lot, they have a lot of experience so they want to do things their way, but in the end it's our idea, our concept, our investment; it's our restaurant. So they reluctantly agreed to most of our demands, and for pride's sake we had to agree with a few of theirs. After that, we sat with the main contractor, negotiating the final prices, it seems that when it comes to being outspoken, he is quite the pushover, but when it comes to money, THIS GUY WAS TOUGH. So we kept at it till we agreed on a price. Then we shook hands on it.

For those of you not in the middle east, reading this might stun you a little bit or at least worry you; where's the contract? Well guys, it's coming. We just shook hands on it, and the contract will come in a day or so. This is how things generally work here, or at least used to more often until greed took over even this little country. Back in the days, we could leave our cars running all night, leave anything we want outside, never have to worry about anything being stolen. People were much nicer, there were no threats. This place used to be very different...anyone who had lived here more than 10 years will instantly vouch for that. Remember when life was so much easier in UAE? People didn't worry so much, it wasn't so expensive...it wasn't so commercial. I hear now that this is one of the most expensive places in the world to live in!

So, the drive home: pleasant. Always pleasant. Audiotonic on the radio, which means some of the world's best, funky, deep, smooth, silky, sexy HOUSE music. The highway so straight, the speed limit 160km/hr. What a drive! I ended up driving my partner's Lexus saloon home, and it's a smooth drive. He picked up his other Lexus from the workshop where it had gone to be fixed.

I am truly tired today, but I like it. I am working towards a dream, and I like it. And when it's done, and all the hardwork pays off....YOU'LL like it.
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ray