Sunday, 17 October 2010

About Helplessness

why are some people given chances that other people will never have? at least when it happens, why can't it happen somewhere far away from the unfortunate person who has to witness it? can we be so helpless?

there are chances that i have seen taken away from me and given to another, to one that doesn't deserve it and will never appreciate what they've got. not to say that the person in question would do this intentionally, but he will just never bother to care, ask about it, or even so much as give it a second thought...while you can do nothing more than sit there and watch. because you watch, and you see, and you really see that it's because he just doesn't know the value of what he's got. i can't describe the feeling; it's something that your logic won't process because the cause of the feeling's not logical. it's not something your conscience will let you feel because it wasn't your fault. it's not something your soul will feel because it wasn't based on a judgement of your character. it was purely co-incidence and state of natural random selection that saw the other person receiving the greatest gift that could be given to you. i guess it's just something your heart can feel, and it truly feels that loss. but how can you lose something that never belonged to you, or despair over the lack of something you never had?

i guess it's becasue of what we build in our head. some of us get too carried away with a thought, because we are dreamers. we build and we build, we create and re-create. we dream and dream of future thoughts of past memories, all of which we have created in the confines of our dangerous minds...and it becomes hard to find that fuzzy line in the sand; that line that divides reality from fantasy and there you are, lost in the whirlwind again. it's so funny how sometimes such a little thing like the color of her eyes can take days and days away from you..sometimes there is nothing that can be done to change the situation, and we the dreaming, always have to almost create an alternate universe with a parallel galaxy with a similar solar system with a resembling planet, with a mirror image situation, with this new, fundamentally sound but intuitively impossible solution called reality. and believe you me, it hurts like a brick to the head. reality has reared it's ugly head like the dull shadow of a blunt edged weapon, it effortlessly cripples thousand of people on an everyday basis all around the world.

we are left with the conclusion, as someone snaps their fingers and we are jolted back to where we sit; it seems that our lives will be forever filled with passed opportunities and wistful desires that can never be touched, and we have to feel the sting of each one. because there will always be some things that we can never change, no matter how hard we wish..it just makes me sad that some of those dreams were some of the best experiences of my life.
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ray